Emma Dinzebach

How to Double Date

It sounds exhausting, but if you have the energy, double dating is a time-saving godsend.

26 September 2009

Forget the traditional meaning of double dating. This is New York, not Nashville; and for Gotham girls double dating means you have back to back dates. Tight travel schedules, strict deadlines and a packed September social schedule have made double dating an increasingly necessary part of my life. Double dating is also a useful strategy for people on the fast track to marriage and for people with sparse wardrobes. It sounds exhausting, but if you have the energy, double dating is a time-saving godsend.

The only way an amateur like yourself can successfully pull off double dating involves following these guidelines. So even though I am going to be crucified by all of the men I’m currently seeing, below are the double dating rules. I hope you appreciate my sacrifice.

How to Double Date

1) Schedule the times in advance and adhere to them. If you tell date number two 10 o’clock then make it very clear to date number one that you have to be somewhere at 10 o’clock and cannot be late. (Be be a little late, of course.)

2) Allow time for your first date. Don’t make uno date start at seven and dos date start at nine. No one looks pretty rushed and sweaty. If the first date ends early, have a copy of Vogue or an errand to run or something to occupy yourself. If it’s early enough, I like to go to Sephora and put on make-up or spray some perfume in between.

3) You have to lie. I know it sounds bad to start off a potential relationship with a lie, but imagine the great story it will make if one of the dudes is indeed prince charming. I always use my brother because no sane man would argue that spending time with him trumps spending time with my brother. Dudes are scared of brothers. Plus, my brother is younger, so it’s totally realistic that I would have to meet him late at night.

4) Trust your gut. This goes for everything in life, but especially dating. If you find yourself giddy and lifted from date number one, politely say “Will you please excuse me for a second?” Then go outside. If you feel weird doing this, you can lie (again) and say you have to use the restroom, but never go in the restroom. I repeat, DO NOT go to the restroom. You have no idea who might overhear you. Men in adjacent bathrooms can hear through vents and nosy waitresses will tell your date. It has all happened before. Go outside.

Call date number two. Do not text him. Text cancellations are very rude. Kindly explain to him that something came up. If you aim to see him again, then you are going to have to lie again. Your sister is hysterical, and you feel so bad leaving her because you have been very busy [insert something wifely here – volunteering, taking care of your sick neighbors dog, etc.] and haven’t been there for her lately. Apologize profusely while peppering him with specified flattery. Say you were looking so forward to seeing him because [insert something specific]. The more specific your flattery, the more sincere you will sound. But don’t make an elaborate story! Elaborate stories are dead giveaways. Ask when can you reschedule? This is key. Reschedule right then and there. That way you are polite, considerate, and flattering – bases covered.

Then go back inside and make out with your date.

5) Keep track of the stories – yours and theirs. This is why god invented smart phones ladies. Limit your martinis if alcohol affects your memory. Making sure you aren’t asking date number two about his dog dying when that was date number one’s story is important. You don’t want to come off as aloof, rude or like a complete idiot. Complete idiots can’t pull this off.

6) Do not try three. Three are exhausting and unnecessary. And if you even have three dates in one day, then maybe you should consider taking over this column.

Emma Dinzebach

Emma Dinzebach

How to Double Date

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