Relationships

Emmitt was a yellow lab loved by all and still referred to as the “best dog.” Her only living responsibility, my stepmom showered Emmitt with the love of a first born son. He had collars for every day of the week and more toys than her stepchildren. Who knew they made 600-thread count dog beds? Emmitt had the world at his doggie paws and all he had to do was sit and stay.
I never understood until I acquired Mia, a red and white sassy shiba inu. With no children of my own, I poured my love into Mia. Lucky Mia. I walked her and fed her and bathed her and sent her to an expensive doggy daycare. She was adored by the neighbors and adored by yours truly. One day, I spent a pretty penny on her vintage designer doggie coture and walked home wondering if I was becoming my stepmother and, more importantly, was it all worth it.

Long before Paris Hilton (um, Marie Antoinette had gold threaded dog beds) people were pouring their love and luxury taste on their pets. A habit that filled their egos (dogs don’t have egos) and made them feel satisfied in their ability to love something so fully. Mia didn’t know she was wearing Dior. She could have been wearing a collar from the dollar section of Target for all she cared, and only reacted to my fawning attention not the collar itself. I once spent a hundred dollars on a dog bed, and when I came home she was lying on my bath robe reminding me that if she was spoiled, it was only for me.

It’s the people who need reassurance through material items that indeed, they are doting pet parents. But doting or not, puppy love has it’s limits. Sure dogs won’t argue with you, but they also don’t recognize your successes. You thank them for being a good girl or boy, but they won’t compliment you in return. In all honestly, you likely won’t jump in front of a bus to save your dog. You say you will, but you likely won’t. In the end of the day, the replaceable nature of a pet puts a limit on your love.

Emma Dinzebach

Holiday engagement season ends tonight and, if you’re anything like this writer, you know several ladies who got a ring for Christmas. Even celebrities got in on the action, with Reese Witherspoon, Natalie Portman, and LeeAnn Rimes all becoming affianced. Though the engagement ring is actually a relatively recent tradition created by the diamond industry, as any engaged or married lady will tell you, the first thing people ask you is “Can I see the ring?” With that in mind, we’ve created a tongue-in-cheek guide to what sort of bride wears what sort of ring. Keep this handy for when your newly-engaged friend asks you to be her maid of honor.

Round: Round stone brides tend to be mellow women who claim that they don’t have the “bride gene.” While sometimes this leads to an elopement, more often it leads to a wedding that straddles the fine line between laid back and disorganized.

Princess Cut: Pointy corners=pointy personality. Is it a coincidence that the princess cut rock is often spotted on episodes of Bridezillas? We think not.

Emerald: Emerald cut ladies are usually obsessive planners, considering every aspect of their wedding right down to the smallest detail. It’s no coincidence that notorious Type A personality Reese Witherspoon just got one of these.

Halo: Pave brides are the most likely to savor a long engagement before setting a date. Perhaps they’re distracted by the intense sparkle on their left hand.

Heart: Let’s be real. The only person with a heart shaped diamond in this day and age is Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stanger.

Non-Diamond Ring: We are biased (and sporting a sapphire!), but the gemstone set tends to eschew super formal weddings in favor of nontraditional (and yet, still stress-inducing) shindigs.

No Ring: Admirable people who are able to maintain strong ethics resolve in the face of shiny sparkly presents. We salute them.

Leila Cohan-Miccio

Children make Christmas lists fully expecting that we buy them something on the list. They don’t care that we didn’t get it on our trip to Africa in the summer or hand knit it in our minuscule spare time. Children don’t mind if it took you ten minutes to order it from Amazon.com as long as it was on the list. Children of all ages continue to give lists to their parents and in some families siblings; but as you get older, the pressure to give thoughtfully grows and grows. But isn’t it thoughtful to give someone something they want?

Last Christmas I came across the dilemma and sent a snarky but sincere email asking friends and family what they want. A close friend then informed me that this was not “kosher” because they were not children and “in addition” gifts are better when they come from the heart.  The dilemma: whether to buy people something the outright want or to purchase something thickly laced in thought.

Last year my artsy painter friend mentioned a Botkier hobo when we were casually perusing Bloomingdale’s one afternoon. For weeks, I had been scouring teeny boutiques in Brooklyn looking for something perfectly suitable for her free spirit. After all, she was always so thoughtful. By December 23rd, I decided to just give her the bag. Marched up to Bloomie’s, paid, and was home in thirty minutes. When she opened it her eyes lit up; she was so thrilled that someone had given her something non-art related. “But handbags are art!” I protested. But I knew what she meant. Just like children, adults like to get something they want. And the something-she-wanted turned into the best present of all.
I’m a genuinely thoughtful person and I love my family and friends dearly, but why scurry around town during the busy, tourist packed holiday season trying to pick out something thoughtful when I could just give them something they want. What’s a thoughtful person to do two weeks before Christmas and completely void of thoughtful present ideas? Give in and give them what they want. Leave the other three seasons to the beauty of being thoughtful.
Emma Dinzebach

Friday evening I arrived at my friend’s house and was greeted by the sound of her husband vigorously shaking the martini shaker. Every Friday after work he makes her a cosmopolitan and they sit down for a rituals tic end of week happy hour.
“Honey?” she called out in a sing songy tone reminiscent of a Broadway musical. “Yes baby?” her husband responded sweetly. “He always says that,” she whispered to me. Back and forth they called out together in this fashion several times throughout the night. When I asked what has sustained their twelve year relationship, they both said consistent rituals play a large role. See also: things they can rely on.

From end of week happy hours to Sunday morning runs, different couples have different rituals of choice. We aren’t talking about Thursday night laundry or Sunday lawn mowing. Knowing there is a set time each week to enjoy interests creates a relationship based on commonality, reliability and stability. Likewise, sharing in your partner’s respective interests fosters caring, understanding and

By no means should you run out and buy a new golf outfit to tag along on your husband’s Saturday afternoon 18 holes. Individuality and personal time is still important; but small, consistent and meaningful routines build something good, into something great. When I thought about my own relationships, every Sunday we read the paper at brunch. When we go out to eat during the week, we always eat at the bar. He kindly accompanies me to yoga on Tuesday nights…well, most Tuesday nights. These small rituals might not seem significant in their own right, but they make one another feel special and create unity.

Plus, we never argue that we don’t have time for one another.

Emma Dinzebach