Relationships

Recently, the Refinery29 gals decided to conduct their own social media-based experiment on “relationship visibility,” or the way we flaunt — or hide — our relationships on Facebook. The term “relationship visibility” is actually based on a well-known concept from The Science of Relationships referred to as “impression management,” which says that, according to our individual goals, we fabricate a certain perception to align with those goals.

This particular study used Facebook as its primary platform and set out to ask what our social media behavior says about not just our relationships, but our individual selves.

The hypothesis was a simple one: Anxious individuals, or those who are insecure in themselves or their relationship, are more likely to show off their coupledom via status updates and pictures. In other words, all those happy pictures of couples rubbing noses — and all those status updates about how Sally or Sam is the best S.O. in the world — may be a reflection of a.) insecurity and/or b.) wishful thinking.

In the end, researchers found that their hypothesis was, for the most part, accurate. Of course, there are some disclaimers, but that’s to be expected. Read more about the study here.

By Wendy Rose Gould

Image Credit: ShutterStock.com

We recently conducted a poll on The Stylish City website which asked readers to vote on their number one resolution for 2013. Now that we’re already seven months into the “new” year, it’s about time we got around to revealing — and talking about — the results.

We have to say that the poll answers definitely came as a surprise to us. Before we dig into the results, though, know that nearly 300 people participated in this poll, all of them readers of The Stylish City.

Out of those 300 votes, a whopping 31% (read: almost a third of voters) said that their ultimate resolution — the resolution they most wanted to keep — had to deal with their weight. In second place, with 23% of the votes, was “health.”

What we found most surprising, though, was that “relationships” came in with the lowest percentage with only 9% of the total vote. In between the lowest and the highest were as follows: Career/Job: 16%, Money: 11% and Organization: 10%.

Now, we understand that there’s a lot that can’t be answered in a simple poll. Maybe the readers of The Stylish City have super healthy relationships with their family, significant others, etc. and didn’t feel the need to set any goals or resolutions regarding that aspect of their life. The same can be said of our readers’ finances or organization skills. If that’s the case, serious props to the women who have their pecuniary ducks and relationship matters all in a row.

It does seem strange, however, that the “weight category” came in at number one, especially at 8 percentage points above the second most popular resolution of “health.”

Maybe I’m crazy, but wouldn’t you think that your health, in general, is the ultimate goal compared to simply maintaining your weight? Even if you’re trying to maintain weight, drop some L-B’s or gain a bit of muscle mass, the reason you’re doing that should ultimately be motivated by a desire to be healthy, right?

As I write this, though, I must admit that I can see how “weight” may soar to the top of the list, even above health. Not to go off on a tangent, but as someone who’s lost over 50 pounds in the past three years, I strived to become a healthier version of myself throughout that weight loss journey, yes, but what really drove me was a strong yearning to look in the mirror and be satisfied with my appearance. To be able to fit into the coveted size 6, to feel good and look good. I care about my health, but I tended to care more about inches/pounds lost and a dwindling dress size.

This all leads me to a question I have for The Stylish City readers, especially those who selected “weight” as their number one 2013 resolution:

Why did you select the answer you did? And now that we’re over half way into the year, how are you doing on that goal? Have your priorities shifted? Did you fall off the proverbial wagon? Or are you totally kicking butt? We’re dying to hear your thoughts/comments, so share them in the comment section below.

By Wendy Rose Gould

It is within our nature as humans to disagree on general topics; politics, religion, war, capital punishment, etc. Suffice it to say, there is hardly an issue you can’t make into an argument. On Thursday, November 24th, 2011, all Americans alike will gather around the dinner table to give thanks and finally reach common ground, agreeing on one simple notion – family can be a huge pain in the ass. Despite whom you may place under the title of “family,” whether it is close friends, in-laws, or blood relatives, these people have the natural, inexplicable ability to grate your nerves to the umph degree.

There are good days and bad, times where you couldn’t love your family more and times where you can’t seem to get far enough away from them, therefore where your feelings are on November 24th is a real crap shoot.  The thought passes through my realm of consideration some years, namely this one – should I just skip Thanksgiving? I start to believe my own prepared lie that I can tell my family on the phone, an hour or two before dinner: “I think I’m coming down with something and don’t want to get the baby sick.” Ordering greasy Chinese food and snuggling up on the couch with my dog while watching RomComs in my pajamas, begins to sound simply too good to pass up. Cough, Cough – see, I am getting sick! I then justify that spending Thanksgiving isn’t pathetic because my dog is family, and at times the only living being I can tolerate all while receiving unconditional love. I follow this with a sigh of relief when I realize that if I do skip Thanksgiving I don’t have to put on foundation and blush, and force a smile while I answer the same obnoxiously condescending question – “Where is your boyfriend?” That’s a good question Aunt Elba, maybe you can help me find him? There is simply no other inquisition that can make my blood boil as much as this. I have to fight the urge to not snap back with, “Why don’t you have a mirror Aunt Elba? Because that certainly is the only rational explanation for those three inch chin whiskers of yours.”

What am I thinking!? It takes a cold shower and some deep breathing to jolt myself back to logical thinking. In reality, skipping Thanksgiving is just not an option. These fantasies exist in the majority with some variation, and in the end is just a dreamlike tool utilized to make you appreciate crossing the Thanksgiving finish line to tomorrow. Friday can go one of two ways. The first being, a day of pure, unadulterated nothingness, where it’s acceptable to sleep late, nosh on leftovers and indulge in being lazy. Or the second option: diving in head first to Black Friday mania. Shopping can be a great form of stress release. If Aunt Elda got way too far under your skin then take it out on your credit card! Stimulate the economy and buy yourself something fabulous.

Don’t think you’re flying solo when you sit twiddling your thumbs, considering the Chinese food alternative to Thanksgiving – we’ve all been there. Thanksgiving is no day to spend alone; you’ll only make yourself feel worse. Put on your best smile and take everything said with a grain of salt, at the end of the night you’ll be glad you forced yourself to go. On Wednesday, get yourself a new outfit and a fresh shade of lipstick and knock your family’s socks off as you walk through the door on Thanksgiving Day. You’ll look good and feel good as you’re wowing the crowd – and hey, it’s only one night, you have a day of bliss tomorrow to look forward to.

By Caitlin Colford

Us men often get called out for our weaknesses. Whether it’s an inability to remember to flush the toilet, a fanatical obsession with a sports team or a penchant for an expensive hobby, nobody is denying that all men have their faults. However our female counterparts should take a moment to reflect and be glad that an expensive hobby for most guys means golf or classic car collecting. Because, for a certain group of men in high places, their idea of an expensive hobby is something different entirely.

Arnold Schwarzenegger, Anthony Weiner, Dominic Strauss-Kahn – the latest trio to be added to a long list of high-powered men who have sacrificed their reputations, all through an inability to keep it in their pants. It seems to be a near-endemic problem in the political arena, where a big sex scandal is unleashed upon the unsuspecting public – who love a good scandal of course – every other week.

Between one day and the next, a man can go from being a popular politician to a universally reviled pervert. This applies particularly to Anthony Weiner, who was seen as quite the go-getter in the House of Representatives, a thorn in the side of the GOP. Then he inexplicably revealed himself to a young woman, publicly over the internet. In a matter of days his career was in tatters. No doubt his relationship has suffered accordingly; it has been revealed that his wife was expecting a child at the time the scandal broke.

We currently exist firmly within the age of the internet, so these scandals are only likely to proliferate as they become more insuppressible. Weiner didn’t seem to realize how Twitter works, resulting in his bizarre clandestine activities being revealed to world in an instant, much to his dire humiliation. In the same vein, it has been said that Schwarzenegger chose to reveal his infidelity because he knew that, though it might be possible to gag the mainstream media, there was no way the small matter of him having a mistress and a lovechild would avoid being leaked over the web.

But why do they do it? It seems that when some men become wealthy and powerful, they just don’t know where their boundaries are any more. Luckily we the public are there to bring their egos crashing back down to earth when they get found out, by humiliating them in the tabloid press and gossip magazines for weeks on end.

In a recent article for Forbes on this epidemic of reputational suicide, Davia Temin had some interesting insights into the matter:

Public figures may try to come back from reputational hara-kiri – and indeed sometimes they start institutes, go on the speaking circuit, anchor talk shows, go back to playing golf or making movies – or they may go to jail. But they never come back at the same level, with the same reputation, or the same public trust. No amount of “PR Rehabilitation” will do that.

In the truest sense, these men literally sacrifice their entire careers – and often their marriages too – for the sake of having some illicit sex. Are we, the male of the species, really that dumb? I guess I won’t even answer that question, for fear of insulting myself. What I will say is, if you’re husband has a bad habit like putting his socks in the wrong drawer, just be happy that he’s not putting his…

On second thought dear reader, I’ll let you complete that sentence for yourself.