The Iguana Deferred by Elizabeth Sowden

“Don’t tell Kyoko,” whispered one legal intern to another, “she’ll go off the deep end.” Kyoko often heard the interns whispering about her in the hallway outside her office as they filled their Nalgene bottles at the water cooler, and normally she ignored them, but today she decided to catch them in the act.

“Don’t tell me what?” Kyoko asked.

The two interns stopped and stared at each other, both looking like deer in the headlights of the other’s panic.

“Uh, about the dolphins trapped in the cove near the Hamptons,” stammered Shelly, the brunette second year law student from Connecticut.

“Yes, the dolphins,” Anne, the redhead first year from Milwaukee, chimed in. “We were afraid you’d go on a tirade about global warming.” Both girls smiled and held their grins for one beat each, as if they were auditioning for a toothpaste commercial.

“You mean the story about the dolphins that was on the front page of the Times? The same paper you bring me every morning?”

“Um…”

Why, Kyoko wondered, did the interns always think they could fool her? She was a junior partner with a law degree from Yale, and several small-claims court victories to her credit, and they thought they could fake her out with some story about cold dolphins?

“What is this really about?” Kyoko asked, trying to sound firm but compassionate at the same time. One should never alienate ones interns, she thought, unless one enjoys the flavor of phlegm in one’s coffee.

“You got a message,” Shelly said, handing her a pink slip covered in Anne’s loopy handwriting. Kyoko looked at the slip and suddenly felt as if her ribcage had collapsed. It was just a name, phone number and truncated message of call back after 1 pm, but Kyoko had enough words running through her mind to re-write Anna Karenina. The name and number belonged to Kyoko’s ex-girlfriend, who just a few months ago flamencoed all over Kyoko’s heart.

Kyoko felt all the color drain out of her face. She turned her back on the interns and walked straight into Allison’s cubicle, where she found Allison eating brie and watching videos on youtube.

“Oh, hey, Kyoko,” Allison said with her mouth full, “want some cheese?”

“No,” Kyoko said softly.

“Kyoko, what’s the matter?” Allison said, swallowing her mouthful of cheese.

“I got a message from Felicity,” Kyoko said shakily, “what do you think it means?”

“I don’t know,” Allison drawled, “maybe she wants you back?”

“Yeah, maybe….” Kyoko nodded, unsure if she wanted to hope for that or not.

“Well, call her,” Allison said, “get it over with at least.”

Kyoko took a deep breath and picked up the phone. After a blurry two minutes of “yes” and “mm-hmmm” Kyoko hung up the phone.

“Well?” Allison asked. “What did she say?”

“She wants me to pick up the iguana we bought together. Her new girlfriend doesn’t like it.”

“Oh, my god…that’s terrible….” Allison said. She sliced of a chunk of brie and handed it to Kyoko, who mindlessly popped it into her mouth.

“I never even liked that iguana,” Kyoko said, “I wanted a dog. But she wanted an iguana so that’s what we got.”

“I know what you mean. I never wanted a slut with a cheese shop, but that’s what we got…well, I guess that’s not quite the same.”

“Right,” Kyoko muttered, staring briefly off into space. Then she said, “You know what Felicity bought for that iguana? She bought one of those full spectrum lamps, you know, the kind that simulate sunlight. That lamp cost almost 200 dollars and she put it over the iguana’s cage so it could have light to bask in…you know iguanas…they have to bask.”

“Aren’t those lamps supposed to keep people from getting depressed in the winter time?”

“Yeah they are. You know, one time, I tried to use it, and Felicity freaked out. She started screaming because I moved the lamp next to my desk and away from the iguana’s cage. She didn’t talk to me for a week after that! She spent two hundred dollars of my money on that lamp, and I didn’t even get a chance to test it to see if it would alleviate the depression living with Felicity caused me.”

“You’re better off without her,” Allison said compassionately.

“Um, not to interrupt, but…” Anne said, and both Allison and Kyoko turned. “The full spectrum lamps do work,” she said, pointing to a small white cone shaped lamp on her desk. “It really makes a difference,” she said smiling shyly. Then she added, “My doctor recommended it.”

“Maybe I should get one,” Allison said thoughtfully.

“Don’t bother. After today you can come to my house and use mine.”

“But what about the iguana?”

“What about the iguana? Mr. Flippers can bask in the light of one of those ten dollar lamps from the pet store. From now on, simulated natural light is only for human consumption!” With that, Kyoko nodded proudly and stomped off to her office.

When Kyoko was out of earshot, Anne flipped on her lamp and muttered “She needs one of these.”

Writen by Elizabeth Sowden

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