The Best Reason to Break Up
Bambi and Thumper were twitterpated in the springtime, but contrary to popular belief, I’ve found spring’s entry to summer equals break-up season. Void of wintry snuggle needs, New Yorkers emerge into the sunlight less dressed and feverish. See also: Spring Fling. But more than man’s ravenous desire for a mini-skirt sporting female is woman’s ravenous desire for…herself.
At least this has been the case with heaps of city betties I’ve spoken with in the last few weeks, not excluding yours truly. Something of a breakthrough happens when a woman chooses herself over the comfort, convenience and cuddles of a steady significant other. Recently, I dated and extensively reported on dating a handsome beau from south of the border. He is creative, smart and makes me laugh. He has a cool balance of quirks and normalcy and is a terrific dinner date. But two weeks ago, I put the kibosh on my Mexican romance for one significant reason: me.
Something inside of me said it wasn’t the right. Most of the time I can fight myself on this and drag a relationship through the bowels of hell and back, but this time, my inner alarm would not shut off until eventually, I realized that the only way to unite my egos was to listen up. Breaking up might be one of life’s worst necessities. Breaking up sucks so bad that people create ways to avoid it from marriage to a new baby, presents, therapy or just plain ‘ol denial. And I can’t blame them. I’ve had four awful break-ups, all of which I avoided until the relationship completely self-destructed, and I was publicly shamed into breaking up. Not so healthy for a trained psychotherapist, but we all have our hang-ups, and being alone tops my list.
Slowly, I started to learn that being alone meant I got to spend time with one of my favorite people on planet Earth. You guessed it: myself. And all egotistical teasing aside, knowing yourself, sitting with yourself and taking some serious time with yourself strengthens your relationship with, um, yourself. Duh. A year ago, I couldn’t have pulled off aforementioned Mexy break-up. There were too many pros. But once you tune into your inner radio station, it becomes increasingly hard not to listen, even though you don’t love every song.
Sunday afternoon, I sat in an outside café with my friend from grade school. Since fourth grade we’ve been advising one another, and her most recent relationship was no exception. As many times as I told her she needed to end it, I knew that ending a relationship takes time and comes only when you are truly ready or the other person dumps you. Sad, but true. As I listened to her tell the tale void of tears and smiling, I smiled in return because she too had chosen herself.There is no better time than now. If your inner voice has gotten so loud you’re walking around with cotton in your ears or blasting your ear drums with your iPod, you might want to take a listen. You can do it. It’s summertime! Everyone is out and happy and you’ll be pleasantly distracted through your sadness for the next four months. And by then, you’ll have a new girlfriend or boyfriend and will have preserved your most precious asset: Y-O-U.
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