Black Friday

It is within our nature as humans to disagree on general topics; politics, religion, war, capital punishment, etc. Suffice it to say, there is hardly an issue you can’t make into an argument. On Thursday, November 24th, 2011, all Americans alike will gather around the dinner table to give thanks and finally reach common ground, agreeing on one simple notion – family can be a huge pain in the ass. Despite whom you may place under the title of “family,” whether it is close friends, in-laws, or blood relatives, these people have the natural, inexplicable ability to grate your nerves to the umph degree.

There are good days and bad, times where you couldn’t love your family more and times where you can’t seem to get far enough away from them, therefore where your feelings are on November 24th is a real crap shoot.  The thought passes through my realm of consideration some years, namely this one – should I just skip Thanksgiving? I start to believe my own prepared lie that I can tell my family on the phone, an hour or two before dinner: “I think I’m coming down with something and don’t want to get the baby sick.” Ordering greasy Chinese food and snuggling up on the couch with my dog while watching RomComs in my pajamas, begins to sound simply too good to pass up. Cough, Cough – see, I am getting sick! I then justify that spending Thanksgiving isn’t pathetic because my dog is family, and at times the only living being I can tolerate all while receiving unconditional love. I follow this with a sigh of relief when I realize that if I do skip Thanksgiving I don’t have to put on foundation and blush, and force a smile while I answer the same obnoxiously condescending question – “Where is your boyfriend?” That’s a good question Aunt Elba, maybe you can help me find him? There is simply no other inquisition that can make my blood boil as much as this. I have to fight the urge to not snap back with, “Why don’t you have a mirror Aunt Elba? Because that certainly is the only rational explanation for those three inch chin whiskers of yours.”

What am I thinking!? It takes a cold shower and some deep breathing to jolt myself back to logical thinking. In reality, skipping Thanksgiving is just not an option. These fantasies exist in the majority with some variation, and in the end is just a dreamlike tool utilized to make you appreciate crossing the Thanksgiving finish line to tomorrow. Friday can go one of two ways. The first being, a day of pure, unadulterated nothingness, where it’s acceptable to sleep late, nosh on leftovers and indulge in being lazy. Or the second option: diving in head first to Black Friday mania. Shopping can be a great form of stress release. If Aunt Elda got way too far under your skin then take it out on your credit card! Stimulate the economy and buy yourself something fabulous.

Don’t think you’re flying solo when you sit twiddling your thumbs, considering the Chinese food alternative to Thanksgiving – we’ve all been there. Thanksgiving is no day to spend alone; you’ll only make yourself feel worse. Put on your best smile and take everything said with a grain of salt, at the end of the night you’ll be glad you forced yourself to go. On Wednesday, get yourself a new outfit and a fresh shade of lipstick and knock your family’s socks off as you walk through the door on Thanksgiving Day. You’ll look good and feel good as you’re wowing the crowd – and hey, it’s only one night, you have a day of bliss tomorrow to look forward to.

By Caitlin Colford