April Fools

It’s the oldest April Fools joke in the book: “I won the lottery!!!” You’ll scream it over the phone and type it in caps to your most gullible friends and family members, hoping someone will hook the bait to provide you with a good chuckle. Tonight the Mega Millions Lottery is at a record high, providing the lucky S.O.B. with the winning numbers with a jaw dropping 540 million dollars. So why not have a little fun with it? April Fools Day isn’t until Sunday, but start your gag early to make this a well-executed joke, all while having a little bit of fun with it yourself. You deserve to live like a millionaire, even if it’s only for a weekend.

Friday, March 30^th

Pump yourself up for all of that cash you’ll be swimming in come 11P.M. when “your numbers are announced” by heading over to the Mid Manhattan branch of the New York Public Library and basking in their latest “Downton Abbey” themed exhibition. Imagine that Mr. Carson is waiting on you hand and foot as you read pithy quotes from Downton’s most alluring characters and browse photos from early 20^th century Britain, resembling that of our favorite PBS Masterpiece Classic show. NYPL Mid-Manhattan Branch, 544 5^th Ave. @ 42^nd St., 8A.M.-8P.M.

You’re going to have to have a drink in hand, set and ready for the big toast to your new multi-million dollar bank account come 11 P.M. so why not pop downtown after Downton to check out the brand spanking new (and sure to be popular) Randolph Beer on Broome Street. The swank new beer bar features 50 different craft beer and Modern American food with South East Asian and Australian influences (think beer battered oysters and maple bacon Brussels sprouts). Randolph Beer, 343 Broome Street between Bowery and Elizabeth Street.

Saturday, March 31^st

Now that your rolling in the dough, 540 million of it, you’re going to have to treat your family and friends by treating them to a lil’ something (this is the jokes of all jokes, you must pull it off by convincing them that you’re really a millionaire!). Don’t fret because this weekend Bloomingdale’s is making this joke easy on your pocket as they are holding their semi-annual Friends and Family Sale featuring 20% off almost all regular priced items as well as sale items. Arm yourself with the coupon and head over to the big Bloomie’s on 59^th.  1000 Third Ave, 10A.M. – 10P.M.

Now it’s time to act a fool by dancing a fool! Dress to impress and look your wealthiest as you head to the dance floor at PJ Bricks’ April Fools Fever. Even though you have “plenty to spend” their drink specials will make it easy on your wallet as you deceive your pals by buying them drinks all night long (2 for 1 beer special!) PLUS if you arrive at the top of the hour exactly, admission is free. PJ Bricks, Doors 9 P.M., 735 50^th Street and 10^th Ave.

Sunday, April 1^st

This is your big day! Your last day of being a millionaire and final opportunity to relish in being incredibly wealthy, so why not be snooty about it Shakespeare style?  Check out “Barred Music”: Sharespeare’s Fools Day at the Cornelia Street Café. Paul Hecht and Roberta Maxwell will be reading classics from the master himself, while Demetrius Spaneas plays some sax and pianist Jed Distler sooths with originally composted music. Sounds kind of divine, doesn’t it? Cornelia Street Café, 29 Cornelia Street, 6 P.M.

The time has come. The moment where you must sit your friends and family down and shout in their face “APRIL FOOLS!!!!” No better place to do it then the new Redwood Kitchenette & Bar, a kitschy take on the classic diner — 60’s Americana style — with mid-western themes. The quirky twists on diner classics and the actual Airstream seated within the joint will ground you and cause you to remember that this is probably the only type of vacation you can actually afford. Redwood Kitchenette & Bar, 102 8^th Ave. (between 16^th and 15^th St).

I’m sure you’re now exhausted from pulling off the best joke of all time, but it was fun being a millionaire while it lasted, right?

By Caitlin Colford