Alas the weather has turned. New York’s singlets have swapped denim for dresses, and people are emerging from the woodwork to Saturdays on Sheep’s Meadow and midday roof deck fiestas. Sitting in the coffee shop happily typing away and watching the cheerful passerbys, a sudden pang of anxiety caught me off guard. I know this feeling; I’ve had it before. After a futile effort to thesaurus.com another word for the wretched saying, I figured I may as well just come clean and admit to myself that for me, spring brings a nasty case of lack of commitment.
Last week I met a guy running along the Hudson. After about twenty minutes of one-uping each other, we shared a smile then exchanged names. Thirty minutes later we were getting Gatorade at Chelsea Piers and walking back downtown. An hour later, I commented on the sad fact that I had no way of alerting my friend that I would be severely late for dinner. Two hours later and an official jerk, I bid farewell and sprinted home to a barage of both worried and angry text messages from said friend. Oops.
Then Wednesday night one spring fling sent date verification via text, I hesitated. My friend was in from London via Milan and meeting up with her meant new faces and new places. I effortlessly sent word that I wouldn’t make it and lamely suggested he come meet me. Then we toasted our Sangria to springtime spontaneity until it was late enough to dance off at Bungalow 8. In the morning I awoke to hungover guilt and and urge to rectify. But the spring fling had had enough of my failure to commit, declared me a flake and left me licking my wounds. In an effort to boast my ego back to status quo, I slid on my sunglasses and headed to Gimme coffee to shop for a spring fling replacement.
Oddly, Gimme coffee was empty. The universe was signaling me to rethink my frisky springtime behaviors. Is springtime spontaneity really worth the consequences? And is resulting lack of commitment even acceptable? A weeks worth of apologies and jam- packed schedule to rectify relationships with blown off friends left me weary and longing for recuperation and some winter reminiscent snuggles. So I phoned a more-than-friend and went over to watch design shows and go to bed early. In the morning I realized that my superficial lack of commitment and multiple spring flings wouldn’t really get me where I wanted to be, which is right where I was.
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