No Strings Attached
Sex sans commitment has emerged as the new0
Piggybacking from last week’s encouraging column on Embracing Eligibility, this week we explore the wonderful world of sex without commitment. Formerly a taboo topic thought to indicate promiscuity stemming from failed fatherhood, sexual abuse and such, no strings attached sex has emerged as this generation’s answer to a more career-oriented and friends-friendly social life.
What? Um, yeah. That means that now people are having sex without commitment (see also: friends with benefits), and it’s totally fine. It doesn’t mean you are a slut or incapable of loving someone or have a fear of commitment. In New York, and major cities around the world, this casual sex means that you really need to get some, but don’t have time or energy to make it a real commitment. Take a minute. Wrap your mind around it… And embrace it like you did your single status.
As a former Catholic school girl, turned relationship analyst, I get that the idea is hard to grasp. For some people may never work. But once you open your mind to the possibility, great things can happen…if you know what I mean. For example, and god my mother is going to kill me for writing about this on the internet, I have recently been seeing a year yonger French guy. He’s techincally my friend with benefits (although the benefits could be a little better), for he will never be my boyfriend for several important reasons. First of all, I don’t want a boyfriend right now. I am busy with life transitions and the last thing I need is some laid off banker drunk dialing me at work in the middle of a Wednesay afternoon. But more importantly, I’m focused on my flourishing writing career, hanging out with friends and jetting off on the weekends without having to organize my schedule with someone else’s. Basically, I’m selfish, but also, I’m focused. And for the time being, my focus can’t include adding a partner’s schedule, stresses and demands.
As women become more career-focused and people increasingly mix their work and social lives (this is the age of networking) relationships have come to take a back seat. In fact, the whole stages of courting and dating have flipped into casual sex and social friends first, dating second. And although this method defies some religious standards and my Catholic school brain-washing, for many people it works. As long as both partners are on the same page, minimual harm is done. Should one partner find an actual mate, the understanding remains and in most of the cases I am familiar with, the two former friends with benefits can remain friends.
Two, three months from now, maybe I wn’t be so selfish. Then it will be time to find someone to settle down with. In the meantime, I needn’t deprive myself of some lovin’. So I won’t. Cest la vie!
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