I'm So Excited & I Just Can't Hide It
After years of dating and dozens of dates, how do we determine how much we really like someone? We think we’ll “just know,” but after the initial spark, confusion ensues. And it is confusing, but if you are in touch with what my mom calls your “body compass” – an internal measure of your feelings that uses awareness of your physical reactions (butterflies, sweaty armpits, headaches) to assess your likes and dislikes – you have a good chance.
A few days ago, my friend said she liked this guy. She stayed the night at his place and they had brunch the next morning. Then he had come to visit her at work. “I just saw him this morning, and he came to visit me at work!” she exclaimed. But when I asked where it was going, she fell silent.
“What is it?” I said inquiring into her wary look.
“How do I tell if I like him?” she asked.
“Well, how did you feel when you saw him in your work. Like how did you physically feel?” She didn’t say anything. I went on, “Where you excited?”
“Then there is your answer. I use my level of excitement – like that anxious feeling you get when your excited to determine how much I like someone. For instance, the thought of seeing [guy I like] makes me so so super excited. Like SO excited I’ll likely start choosing my outfit weeks in advance.”
And I will. Because I’m excited to go to Paris. I’m excited to have a girls’ weekend for my friend’s wedding. I’m excited to get a publisher for my book. And I’m excited to see him. So excited I can’t even think about because it gives me anxiety. So excited that I have to stop writing about it right this minute.
But measuring your body compass takes practice, so sit with something you already know how you feel about. You know you love going to concerts at Madison Square Garden, so next time, after you buy the ticket, while you’re getting ready and while you are there, assess your body compass. On a scale from -10 to 10, how do you feel? Or next time you do something dreadful or plan to meet a friend who drags you down, stop and assess. How do you feel around Debbie Downer? What number would you measure having dinner with her on your body compass.
Now use that to steer your dating decisions. Don’t be surprised if most people are twos and fours. And hold out for the ten. Obvi.
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