Friends with an Ex? Sure, IF they move to Moscow! What you Should Wear to Meet the Ex, and much more...

Alas! I am bereft of sister-like siblings of which to bestow my years of knowledge unto. Sometimes this really bothers me. My friends with younger siblings seem to appreciate my advice, wholly and truly. I’ve even seen them take it. Maybe that’s just because Dr. Phil’s too annoying, I don’t know. But if there’s any topic that gets more consideration from me, even especially in my own life, it’s the pesky and universal question: Can I be friends with an ex? Ex-boyfriends, ex-girlfriends, you’d think the suffix of ‘EX’ would serve as a warning sign like a big red X. Instead, sometimes it seems more like a pirate-map black X, and it’s what we want the most. I guess X’s are difficult to differentiate unless there’s three of them, and that’s a horse of a different color.

There are only two reasons that I think can make it okay to be friends with an ex-lover. 1.) They currently live in Moscow. It doesn’t have to specifically be Moscow, but it has to be a place that is both far away and undesirable for the locale. That way, you’ll think more than twice before booking a ticket to visit them (your credit cards are already thanking me). In a situation like that, logic out wins your ID instincts and desire. That means you won’t find yourself accidentally kissing them or breaking their stereo system.

The other way that you can be friends with an ‘X’ is if they get a sex change. Yup. If they lose body parts, or gain them – you probably are safe. For the bisexually inclined – beware.

I’ve tried to be friends with ex’s but it doesn’t seem to ever work. It can seem like the best idea, the most healthy thing to do – but then horrible reality smacks sense into me five minutes too late. Time is the great healer. The more time past the break-up will help. But it’s still so ridiculously tricky.

Three years after a break-up, I’m friends with one of my ex’s again. It’s okay with me because I’m not into him anymore, I feel that I’ve ‘changed’ – whatever that means. But I can tell that he still has a thing for me. Flattering, yes it is. But it’s messing with his head, I think.

I try to pretend it’s just not true, but the way he uses me as examples for stories, or waxes nostalgic about our past…I’m too smart to ignore these signs. And when the situation is reversed? Well, as much as we love to be desired, we also love to DESIRE. We like the chase, in a small way. And before it seems hurtful, it can be a natural high. But please listen, that fall is awfully hard. Stay bruise-free, because concealer (even metaphorical concealer) can only do so much.

But tell me what you think. Because I know that some people are friends with ex’s, and it can work in some circumstances. Has it worked for you? Care to share your secrets?

If you’re going to meet an ex, dress in a way that isn’t ‘new’ or ‘flashy’ – don’t tease them. Don’t try to look like you’re trying too hard. Pick a low key place, and a low key outfit. Try wearing something they’ve seen you wear before (but not because it has special meaning, i.e. if they got it for you or you wore it on your first date).

If you have a ‘usual’ necklace that you wear a lot – wear that. Make it seem (and make it BE) an event that exudes casual. I’ve put together a sample outfit for you below. I think it’s also a sweet almost-nautical outfit (I was THISCLOSE to putting in an anchor necklace charm!) for a weekend brunch with gal pals. (Don’t forget about NYC’s Restaurant Week being extended!)

The other thing I hope you notice about the below set is that it combines your recent summer pieces with newer fall 2008 pieces. (Alert: tip to save money!)

Also, right now is a GREAT time to shop for discount swimwear (Alert #2: tip to save money!) Maybe not for the trendier pieces, no one wants to be labeled ‘last season’. But for stables like polka dots or gingham prints? Go crazy and snatch whatever is on sale, in your size, and makes your backside look…however you want it to look! (And speaking of sales – which I follow down like a pretty little vulture, I am going to check out this Built by Wendy sale.)

A reminder: not every trend is a good one to follow, no matter who is saying it’s good. And yet there ARE some (fall florals) that I am all over!

Much love,

Sofia

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Posted by Mirela Gluck at 06:00 AM
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