Embracing Eligibility

Being single feels strikingly similar to dreaming that you're flying.

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13 June 2009

If being single in New York is a state of mind rather than a status, then I’ve been single since February 2008, which seems a lot longer than it looks on paper. Since then relationships have drifted over me, encompassed me and let me go making me a mere bystander of an inevitable cycle. After my newest break up, a friend text: I have a guy for you. Call me.

She described said guy in terms of status, appearance and body type (he’s Euro skinny) and concluded by informing me that he is actually just my “type.” Considering my dating history mirrors the United Nations’ staff, I’m not sure I actually have a type, but my friends certainly have a typified the genre of man they think I should be with. “There is only one catch,” she continued. “He recently broke off his engagement.”

“Perfect,” I replied.

For a generation plagued with endless choices, quarter and mid-life crises and trekking on an eternal quest to find the meaning of this thing we call life, relationships are continually taking a back seat. Note: This is coming from a serial dater who lives with one guy on the back burner and one guy in the waiting wings. Poor dude in the waiting wings. He rarely gets a chance. For a while I  was disheartened by men in New York claiming they aren’t concerned with relationships only making money and having fun. That was when I was looking for a man. The second I ceased searching I realized that I was the one not concerned with relationships and only concerned with my career and having fun. (My “career” not being as lucrative as most of the men I speak about.)

A weekend wedding with husband/wife fights and screaming children might have also served as a catalyst to my ode to embracing eligibility. Be it selfishness or ambition, recklessness or apathy, relationships require effort that I currently need for other areas of my life. And after ending my most recent relationship with a clear mind and peaceful perception, I realized that societal messages about being single are basically bullshit. Being single feels strikingly similar to dreaming that you’re flying. Sure at first you’re kind of scared, but when you realize what’s really going on, you’re like, “Oh my god. This is amazing.”

Now, I realize that being forever single is lonely and eventually most women and men want a family, children and a person they can consistently rely on. I’m not advocating eternal eligibility, rather, I’m encouraging the husband hunters of New York to embrace a state/status that you might never get back: being single.

Today, if you wake up and decide you want to take up rock climbing, go on a yoga retreat, stay in the next two weeks reading or move to Asia YOU CAN. You can have dinner with friends or stay out all night or take that job as a news anchor in Idaho. You, my friend, can have no strings attached sex. Embracing the limitless choices and infinite possibilities available is something single people often pass up because they are too dead set focused on finding someone else to create their life with.

Girl (or guy), go create your own life! And once you truly embrace what you do have, I guarantee wonderful things – and people – will come your way.


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Posted by Emma Dinzebach at 12:00 AM
bargain news , Points of View , Relationships , STYLE/BEAUTY |



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