Boys, Boys, Boys
Will the men in New York City ever grow up?0
A side project has taken me so far beyond my borough I’m getting tired at like 1 a.m. Yeah, it was news to me that outside of the city places close well before 5 a.m. But another reason these preppies need extra sleep has to do with their more committed lifestyle. No joke. They have family outings, trips to Costco and sometimes even children to attend to in the morning. What am I speaking about, you ask? I’m speaking about men…in the rest of this great nation.
Which leads me to the age old question, will the men in Gotham ever effing grow up? Not probable, and here is why. Men in New York extend their youth and enjoy their glory days long after the rest of American men have glued on their wedding rings and purchased suburban houses… and Suburbans. Sigh. In my next life, I’m coming back as a male New Yorker – gay or straight – and livin’ la vida loca. But until then, I offer the reason for extended male singlehood, dissect a loose strategy to combat these men and out the complaints of Gotham’s great females.
First, they’re career-focused. Fortunately, so are we! However, our biological clock ticks and theirs does not. (Trust me, they don’t even have one.) So while women are having an internal showcase marriage/kids vs. career/independent fun, Gotham men are solely focused on the latter. We aim to find a mate; they aim to find an easy date. Maybe not at 28, but probably around 32, women start to itch. Men of similar age, however, appear unphased by urgency and overall, not at all interested. In truth, they can wait. Men can wait until 40 plus to marry as they have heaps of 20 and 30 somethings to choose from. A 40 year old woman, on the other hand, does not have it so easy.
New York women are bound be prowling Gotham long after ever intended. This is where I advise to embrace the age of the cougar. It defies psychosocial history, and likely won’t last long. So cougars, go get while the gettins good. For the rest of us, here are some simple options: 1) Date out of your league. And by “out,” I mean “under.” Most of my friends can vouch that I normally date men less attractive than me. It’s my thing. It makes me feel more secure. Women aiming to marry can use under-dating as a way to secure their mate. Trust me, it’s not as bad as it sounds. 2) Go old. You’ll be pleasantly surprised by what a little experience can do. 3) Move. In another city, you are the New Yorker. You’re the posh, chic Manhattan girl- the skinny one with the great wardrobe. The confidence boost will have the creme de la creme of men in xyz city swooning. 4) If all else fails, keep dreaming for the storybook fairytale. Just remember, this is New York. The center of the Land of Opportunity, the City That Never Sleeps, the Onion, THE CITY – where people don’t survive sitting around waiting for things to happen to them. But if you can make it here, you can make it anywhere. So hold your head up high…and march on in those Jimmy Choo stilettos.
I know, it’s not much of a consolation and actually, kind of lame advice. But in the end of the day, there is someone for everyone – probably even a few someones – and you will find yours. Until then, we can bitch and complain about Gotham men, but the chances of easing our biological clocks could greatly increase if we loosened the grip on our ideal and realized that these men are a unique breed that can’t be quantified or even prepared for. They are every man we want and every boy we wish we never had. And it’s them or the suburban alternative. I’ll let you pick your poison.
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